No Latvian Anthea, NO!!! Fish Charts, Marketing Martin and the Finding of the Fisk – Riga, Latvia.

So where did we leaf off? Sitting in a camper van bar in Riga drinking Fisk! After an afternoon spent boozing it up on the amazing hemp and ginger beer that was 7% and writing our hilarious blog that NONE of you could even be bothered to comment on (not that we’re bitter or owt), we finally found our way through the bookcase into our dorm room where we came upon our roomie, German Marketing Martin, who would become our endearing third Privvy Leg for our time in Riga. He didn’t take much persuading to join us in a beer or ten and offered to show us the sites of Riga which he had found the evening before. We fuelled up with some fisks which inspired Susan to teach the Latvian bartender the joy of Austins (fisk bombed into cider) and force him to drink some with us (Katie you are spreading across the world!!). Unfortunately, as it was a Sunday night, pretty much all of the bars that Martin took us to were closed, so we ended up in generic tourist bars rather than dubious dives where random old Latvian men would talk to us, which was what we had requested from our tour guide. We still managed to have a great time as Marketing Martin had some good craic and would do owt. We went back to the hostel around midnight and realised it was Susan’s birthday, much to the joy of our new nemisis, Latvian Anthea, who from then on insisted on plying us with as many black balzams as possible, despite us shouting at her “NO! Bad Latvian Anthea!” and “Fup off Latvian Anthea I dinnit want it!!”. We have no idea what her actual name was but she looked like our friend Anthea (damn pages again not letting you tag people in it anymore!!) and was Latvian. Turned out they were having a staff party and we had inadvertently lucked into/had the misfortune to get stuck in the middle of it. The music was great and there was lots of howling along to Stone Temple Pilots and giving out to Marketing Martin for being too young to know who bands were. The pinnacle of the evening coming when Jill presented Susan with her birthday present – a fish chart of the Caribbean Island reef fish which they had been shouted at by Captain Caveman for standing on at just this time last year on the boat in Belize, so we had a rousing chorus and taught everyone the words to the whammy Marijuana Fuelled Murders hit – featuring Sean Paul – “Ow Pet, Dint Stand on Me Fish Chart (oooooooo)”. We knew it was time for bed when Jill broke about 3 glasses in a row and was putting half of each drink down her ample bosom instead of her mouth, so we headed up and proceeded to smash glasses and spill stuff all over the dorm instead of the bar, and Susan was quite concerned that one of them would fall out of the window whilst smoking out of it.

As was to be expected, we were absolutely wretched the next day but managed to wake up in time to drag Martin down to the bar for a farewell/breakfast pint (although we had missed the free breakfast beers as they were only on until 11am) before heading off for our bus to Vilnius. The only seats left on the Lux Express were “business class”, which was no bother until Susan tried her card only to be denied! Ulster bank are shite though so off to the ATM we went (T minus 5 minutes until the bus) and no funds available – we had drank our way through it all already and the deposit from the life saving Helen still hadn’t arrived so we feared for a moment we would be stuck at the first hurdle on this trip! Fortunately however Jill was able to move some money around to keep us going for a few days so off we went to the bus with 30 seconds to spare! We had fabulous luxury reclining seats, TV/video games in the back of the chair in front and free tea/coffee/water. We were unfortunately too hungover to fully appreciate said luxury, but we were quite gutted when the bus arrived in Vilnius as we were enjoying our lovely bus sleep!

Latvia Overview:
Didn’t see much as it was closed, but the hostel folk were amazing so if they’re any indication of the Latvian community it is aces. Interesting art nouveau architecture but again we didn’t see much as it was dark.
Prices: Can’t remember as too drunk, but all of our money was gone the next day. Do recall a sign for 14 100ml Latvian beers for a tenner in the hostel.
Best Drink: Hemp and ginger beer
Best Food: Didn’t eat any – too drunk.

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